Friends and foes (Lapham's Quarterly VIII-1 and XIV-2)

 

Lapham’s Quarterly VIII-1: Foreigners. (2015) Humans are possibly the most social animals in existence. We nurture each other from cradle to grave. Very few other animals behave similarly, chimpanzees and elephants being both the most well known and almost the only ones. We have strong instincts for bonding with each other. The complement is an equally strong instinct to distrust whoever is not of our group. Hence “foreigners”. Just as all human groups have customs and rules shaping behaviour towards fellow group members, all human groups have customs and rules about how to behave towards outsiders. The fact that these differ in detail doesn’t disguise the fact that the distinction between Us and Them is common to all social animals.
     Unlike other animals, we talk about what matters to us. Lapham and his team have assembled what looks like a representative collection of past and present writings and pictures about the Foreigner. One thing stands out to me: to enable any kind of non-violent interaction with foreigners, they are, at least temporarily, made members of the group. The distinction between Us and Them is not forgotten, but is firmly pushed into second place. A guest is one of us while they are with us. If a foreigner becomes a permanent guest, the some more or less formal ceremony acknowledges that they are now one of us.
     A tangential thought: we humans mark changes in social status. For example, a child becomes an adult. The initiation rites that mark this change are like the rites that mark the change from foreigner to insider.
     Personal note: I have felt like an outsider wherever I have lived.
     A good collection, as always. **** 

 

               
Lapham’s Quarterly XIV-2: Friendship. (2021) C. S. Lewis calls Friendship one of the Four Loves. He sees a common feature: Care and concern for some other person’s welfare. In Friendship, that begins with the awareness that the friend shares come source of joy or delight. The concern is then that the friend may enjoy that common delight as much as one does oneself. Hence a concern that they have the same resources, and hence a willingness to share. That willingness can widen to sharing anything and everything one has, which implies that Charity is next to Friendship. Lewis goes on to discuss Eros and Agape. His book is worth reading more than once.

    This collection doesn’t distinguish between friendship and charity, except perhaps in the sense that friendship may be charity focused on the few people we call our friends. Nevertheless, we read many testimonies to the power of friendship, and how for many people it was more important than family, or social or political alliance. We also read how, when mixed with social or political allowances, it can become corrupted, and an occasion for betrayal. The unkindness of a treacherous friend stings as sharp as the serpent’s tooth.

     Another good collection. ****